Some people, not me, think that balancing parenting, work, social commitments, school WhatsApp groups, and your omnipresent simmering rage, is difficult. It’s not at all! Here are some helpful tips to fitting 72 hours’ worth of stuff into a standard 24-hour day and excelling in every aspect of your life...

Managing tiredness: You don’t have time for eight hours sleep anymore, so just accept it. Try practicing mindfulness as you feed the baby at midnight, knowing you’ll be up with them another 17 times before sunrise. Cherish these moments and multitask by doing a wall sit instead of settling into your feeding chair. Your core will thank you!

Obviously nobody at work needs to know you aren’t well-rested so take time to paint a face on top of your face in the morning to conceal all signs of tiredness. A light layer of redness-correcting concealer, liquid foundation, setting powder, and the quiet acceptance that this is what you need to do to advance in your career.

School WhatsApp groups: these are an excellent way to stay informed, connected, and consistently overstimulated. For best results, mute the chat immediately, then check it every six minutes just in case someone has mentioned hats. If you see 43 unread messages, don’t panic. It’s either a last-minute costume requirement, a gastro outbreak, or someone replying “Thanks” individually to every single message. Stay alert.

Channel your rage productively: Your simmering rage against the patriarchy is not a weakness, it’s an untapped energy source. Redirect it into useful tasks like aggressively reorganising the pantry, replying to emails with a firm but polite “as per my previous email”, or volunteering for something at school! The added responsibility will surely see you thrive.

The mental load: Think of this as your brain’s version of open tabs. You will never close them, you will simply add more. Try to enjoy the challenge of remembering library day, sports day, casual clothes day, and the one specific day your child needs a gold coin that you will only be told about at 8:43am. Don’t forget the added fun of one-off events such as Easter hat parade, healthy eating week (featuring surprise lunch box checks to keep you on your toes), and managing to attend your child’s end-of-term awards assembly that’s held at the same time as your weekly project management collaboration. This will give you the unique opportunity to demonstrate your ability to be in two places at once. Somehow physically present at both, but mentally absent as you plan for the next challenge.

Physical fitness: Obviously, the midnight core strength training helps, but you’ll need to focus on protein and strength — it will be your fault if you develop osteoporosis. Unfortunately, you are required to avoid all calcium except cottage cheese and Greek yoghurt because, keto, so adding resistance training into your workday will benefit you endlessly. Going old-school and slamming your phone down in anger at the end of a call is a great way to work those biceps. Engaging your pelvic floor during meetings will prevent any unfortunate incidents, given you don’t have time to make it to the bathroom. And remembering to smile at all times exercises your face muscles while maintaining collagen reactivation.

Being likeable: This one can be challenging, given all the plates you are juggling. But it’s vital that people know you can handle everything. Demonstrate this by saying "yes" more! Help out a colleague in need, sign up as coach for your children’s netball teams, and throw your in-laws a surprise wedding anniversary party that will be memorable for years to come. It’s important to not get cocky, because that’s an incredibly undesirable trait, so stay demure. Ensure all the credit goes to your workmate, the children and your spouse. After all, your role is simply to make it all happen quietly, efficiently, and without drawing any unnecessary attention to yourself. Nobody likes a show-off.

Remembering to keep your chin up, doing the coffee run without being asked, and always saying "yes" with a smile is the best way to achieve perfection in every aspect of your life. Have fun!