I am having one of those weeks where I realise that I know nothing. Parenting can be HARD.

The fun thing about having kids is, once you have them figured out, you’ve followed all of the so-called experts' guidelines, and you feel completely confident in your decisions, something will come along and blow all of that out of the water. However, I’m clinging to the idea that I occasionally do figure stuff out, and I’m here to share the lessons I’ve learned.

My motivation for being a “school mum” isn’t 'Gilmore Girls' or some Hallmark movie where the mum joins the P&C and volunteers. I get my inspiration from the movies 'Bad Moms' or 'Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol'. Am I missing out on vital experiences of my children’s childhoods? Probably. But I’m in ZERO school WhatsApp groups.

Some kids stuff can be fun: promote those activities. My children swim, play cricket, do gymnastics, and read. Every time netball has been mentioned I make non-committal noises until the subject is dropped. Miss 11 and I are currently reading a book series called 'The Whisperwicks' which she found browsing in Collins one day, and I am HEAVILY invested in the story. We read a few pages each night while snuggling together, and that makes it really easy to refuse to watch 'KPop Demon Hunters' earlier in the day with her.

If you have a child who is not a morning person it’s okay to let them sleep in their school uniform. School uniform uncomfortable? Make them wear their sports uniform! Not sports day? ANY day can be sports day if you refuse to read the school newsletter.

I KNOW I harp on about this, but cereal, toasted sandwiches, and bbq chook plus salad are great dinners. Ignore 'MasterChef' and Instagram; the kids will be fine. If your dinner is two king-size Mars bars eaten while hiding in the pantry then good for you for ensuring you are getting enough calcium and antioxidants.

It’s OK to not understand what your kids are talking about. You are not mid, no matter what your mean children say. You have rizz, I promise. If math homework contains the numbers six or seven, it’s OK to throw it across the room. It’s self-care.

Speaking of self-care, make that a priority. Not in the psychologist's way of prioritising your physical and mental health, or in the advertising way of eating that crap expensive Dubai chocolate as you use a face mask, but REAL care of yourself. Speak kindly to yourself in the mirror (despite what Miss 11 says, my anti-wrinkle cream IS working), spend time with people who don’t say you’re mid for not buying the new Taylor Swift album, and have an identity away from parenting.

You need a team. Find parents who are like you, who will help you see the bright side and have no judgment. I was having a really bad day recently and messaged my best friend and told her I was a bad mum. She reminded me that at least I had hit zero of my children with my car that day. The day before Miss 11 had tried to climb into the tray of my ute after opening the gate and I ever so slightly reversed into her (at very low speed, she was unharmed I swear), and now our metric is: did you hit a child with your car? If not, you’ve had a great day.

Repeat after me: "I have made it this far; I can do this. I am a smart capable person who is worthy of love. I am not perfect, but I have hit zero children with my car today. I’m doing great!"